Really Seeing Someone Is a Skill

See me.

To have someone really see you and not their version of you. Isn’t that what all of us want?

I get to “see” the people I work with in my practice and it’s a privilege. It’s the privilege we can all have through our everyday interactions. Here’s the framework I use to help someone be seen by me: Listen, Hear, See, and Experience.

Listening (the physical act of raising the head, opening the ears, and paying attention), then; Hearing (the comprehension of what’s being listened to), then; Seeing for yourself (asking “show me”), then; Experiencing it (shared experience authenticates the others’ self and experience).

Among the positive benefits of being “seen” are that you and how you’re experiencing life are recognized and authenticated. Often after someone finally realizes that they’ve been seen I hear “wow, ok I knew I wasn’t crazy!” And with that substantive changes begin to happen that contribute to an increasing state of well-being: defenses drop (it’s safe), the body physically relaxes (cortisol slows/stress stops), trust grows (connection builds), the conversation flows (openness and sharing), emotions settle (dopamine pumps), etc.

All of us need to be seen. Seen not as we pretend to be, nor as we self protectively present ourselves to be, nor how the culture or society compel us to be. This is indeed a pressing need for our personal and collective well-being. It’s one that can bring healing for us all, and something that all of us can participate in.

Eric